I get it. Times are tough, and we are all struggling. The struggle to stay on top of "life". But the good news? The clouds clear up and the sunshine comes through. Your struggle is temporary, and it will pass!
This is what a day of depression feels like:
Some days it feels like you are walking underwater. Every movement is a struggle, it takes everything out of you and you don’t get far. You tell yourself it is only temporary, and you keep going trying to regroup your thoughts. You remember that the bible says “For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he:” (Proverbs23:7, KJV) and you substitute Gods promises and blessings in your mind day and night. You go to sleep focusing on these words, and make conscious efforts throughout the day to focus on them. You wake up in the night still saying them, and saying them still when you awake in the morning. You shower and repeat these verses and words of blessings all day.
Still, you struggle even though you know if is temporary. You focus on the facts in your life, not the feelings you are experiencing. And it is a daily race and struggle to run this race…as you are running underwater. You can’t even breathe, but again, you know this is temporary. You tread water waiting and repeating bible verses and words of blessing throughout your entire day…waiting for this to pass.
Sometimes you can’t even process your thoughts to know what is wrong and why you are going through this…and it becomes so normal…sometimes you aren’t even aware.
You reach out for a sense of normal, a light on the horizon to hang onto for a bit until this storm passes. It is a reminder that there is “normal” out there. It can be a call to a friend or family member. You are spewing the words out like water to a drowning victim. Except they have no idea of what you are experiencing. Maybe you don’t want them to know, maybe there aren’t words to express, or maybe you aren’t aware you are drowning. All you know is you want to touch and see “level and dry” ground for a bit until this storm passes.
You pray, but is seems prayers are going to the ceiling. You try to believe harder, visually imagine kneeling before the throne of Christ. Still praying to the ceiling. But you hope they are making it through. You surround yourself with positive things, remove all negative things. You start an exercise regimen, start eating better trying to plant seeds of positive. You read books of people that worked to overcome the odds to show yourself it is possible to overcome. You start several new hobbies, take online classes, and try to join hobby groups…
Nothing…still, you know this is temporary. So you go on.
You reach out to touch normal via a phone call. After a few phone calls you recall you were told to stop calling every day and stop talking about all this “nonsense”. You are told that you don’t want to be the person everyone avoids because they have all the drama. But you haven’t even mentioned the nightmares you have been having, and you keep those to yourself, too.
You look around and you see others are not impacted. You make another call and keep it fun…get misunderstood.
You get up, keep moving towards the light. You can see it in the distance and you keep making efforts toward it. You are praying, moving, eating, exercising and reaching out. But the light keeps moving like a mirage. You see others celebrating in the warmth of the light. You know what you are experiencing is temporary…but how long will this last?! You replace all negative thoughts with positive ones, focus on blessings and promises from God, and are reaching out.
But now, you don’t want to be the person everyone avoids. You just want to reach out and touch “normal” for a bit and remember is it still out there somewhere and just to wait for this storm to pass. But there is no one, no light, no reprieve, the positive thoughts aren’t working, the thought of blessings aren’t working, the prayers don’t seem to be answered, and no one cares and everyone is walking away. You struggle to keep going toward the light, even chasing the mirage of it.
You just want the storm to pass.
So instead, you post a fun and new profile picture to Social Media, text a friend about a new pair of shoes, and share a puppy dog video on your Social Media account…
But the good news? It is only TEMPORARY! It will pass! Keep hoping, keep praying, and keep moving! Control your thoughts, they are vital. Find your peace. If you were to see a sad little puppy or kitten on the streets, you would take it and wrap it in love and care. You deserve the same when you are struggling. Tell yourself, like that little puppy, it is going to be OK now, you are safe. God is there if you ask, and you will be OK.
(Help is available. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 800-273-8255 You are going to make it!)